Dilemma

Dilemma: a problem offering at least two possibilities, neither of which is practically acceptable

Retired Colonel Veer Pratap Singh, sitting in his study was staring at the picture of a young man dressed in an Indian Army Uniform. There was a sense of pride in his eyes. He was proud to have a son who he always believed will make him proud and proud he did make the old man by sacrificing himself fighting the terrorists who were plotting to carry out series of bomb blasts in the Bangalore over a period of seven days thus bringing the IT revolution in the country to a stand-still by terrorising the foreign companies to invest in Bangalore, India's supposedly IT capital. "He saved the country from an economic and social crisis", that's what the citation during his Mahavir Chakra felicitation read. He was proudly remembering the day when he was on the stage receiving the Chakra awarded to his son posthumously for his extraordinary bravery. 

Suddenly the expression of proud on his face changed to sadness. He was now thinking about the day when he received an anonymous phone call from someone telling him that his son was not killed in combat. The caller told him that his son was killed by one of his own. That was all the caller told him but it made him investigate further to find the real reason of his son's death. He had to know. At that point all he could think of was to know the truth behind his son's death and bring the killer to justice. 

He did investigate. With the help of all his contacts made during his army days and all the skills learned in service. After six months of investigation he learned that there was a fight between his son and another soldier of his unit, who was hot headed, arrogant son of current general. Next day his son was found dead in the jungle with three bullets in his chest shot from very close range. Army decided to not investigate further in this incident and in order to cover up they used a terrorist encounter two days later and claimed that colonel's son was killed during the encounter. Recommending him for the Mahavir Chakra was their way of compensating the loss of the grieving father. 

Colonel's head was filled with mixed emotions. He was angry at the Army, for covering up the entire incident. He was raged at the general's son who killed his son for no reason at all. He was sad for the loss of his son. 

He now had two choices in front of him. To expose the entire cover up or to let it be. Exposing the incident meant his son looses the Mahavir Chakra awarded to him. His son would no longer be remembered as a martyr who sacrificed himself for his country. Keeping quiet meant the honor for his son remains however this will not bring the conspirators and the killer to justice. 

Colonel Veer Pratap Singh, sitting in his study was staring at his son's picture trying to make up his mind on what to do. He was not able to decide.

Roadies Audition

Ranvijay: Naam kya hai tumhara?

XYZ: xyz.

Ranvijay: Matlab.

XYZ: Sir, main variable hun. 

Rajiv: Matlab kya hai tumhara. Ye tumhara real name hai?

XYZ: Nahi sir. Pahle mera naam kuchh aur tha. Fir maine maths mein padha ki xyz ko jis bhi equation mein daal do unki value equation ke hisab se badal jaati hai. Mujhe laga main bhi waisa hi hun. Situation ke hisab se badal jata hun. Isliye maine apna naam change kar diya xyz.

Raghu: Tu Roadie kyon banna chahta hai?

XYZ: Kyonki main ban sakta hun.

Rajiv: Tujhe aisa kyon lagta hai ki tu Roadie ban sakta hun?

XYZ: Kyonki main variable hun. Main kuchh bhi ban sakta hun. Roadie bhi.

Raghu: Tujhe pata hai Roadies mein kaisi situations hoti hain?

XYZ: Sir, variable ko kabhi faraq nahi padta use kisi bhi equation mein daal do.

Ranvijay: Ok. Prove us, you are what you say you are. A variable.

XYZ: Aapko kya lagta hai, main abhi tak kya kar raha tha?

The Policeman

He was on his way to his home. He took the train from Kanpur. His life was always in danger so he always travelled with his gun. Today also he had his gun tucked in the holster. Carrying a gun with him always made him feel safe, but it also made him little careless. He was alert though. An instinct that kept him alive and safe so far. He noticed a guy staring at him. It made him uncomfortable but the guy kept staring at him. He realised that the guy was staring at his gun actually. It could have been an innocent thing to do since it was not normal for someone to travel in a train with a gun. He decided to ignore the guy and kept himself busy with the papers of the court case he was to attend. 

Train was now stopped at Fatehpur. He looked up and the guy was still there staring at his gun. He stood from his seat and started moving toward the washroom. The guy followed. This movement made him more alert. The moment he neared the door the guy snatched the gun from the holster and jumped out of the train. He also jumped after the thief. As soon as he jumped out of the train he noticed a policeman standing on the platform. He tried to warn the policeman but the policeman ignored his warning. He noticed that the thief was out of his reach now and it was pointless to run after him. 

He approached the policeman. Stopped close to him but did not say anything. He just noted his name and left.

Next thing he did was to visit the nearest police station. He demanded to see the inspector in-charge. He told the inspector, "mujhe ek chori ki report likhani hai." Inspector in-charge recognised him immediately since he was a famous person in the are and was very much part of active politics. His younger brother was local Member of Parliament. Inspector welcomed him and offered him tea before asking about the incident. He gave the details of the gun that was stolen at the station to the inspector and also told him that it was stolen by hawaldar Dayashankar posted at that railway station and he wants his gun back in 24 hours.

Inspector requested him to wait in the police station and called for the hawaldar. When the hawaldar arrived inspector told him who the guy was whose gun was stolen at the railway station while he was on duty. Inspector also gave the address to his house to the hawaldar and told him to return the gun to that address with-in 24 hours. Hawaldar left without a word.

Before next day evening hawaldar visited his house with the gun and an apology.

The Funny Guy

You must have heard the cry wolf story where a kid used to play a prank on unsuspecting neighbors by making them believe that there was a wolf while there was none. He played this prank so often that the entire village got aware of it and they stopped paying attention to the cries from this boy. One day a wolf attacks the boy for real and he screams for help. The entire village suspecting it to be one of his pranks ignored the cries and the boy was killed by the wolf.

Many years later there came another boy. This boy was not a prankster like the earlier one. He always was truthful but he was always full of jokes, making everything sound funny. Little did he know then that this reputation may hurt him in some way. He was being considered the funny man and people laughed at anything he said. He liked being happy and seeing laughter around him.

Then a day came when this boy fell in love with a girl who also used to consider him the funny one. He kept on joking and being funny not knowing what to do. It was an strange feeling for him and he was confused. With time he reconciled with the fact that what he was feeling in his heart was actually the love for that girl.

He decided to confess his feelings for her to her. He practiced it multiple times before actually going in front of the girl who is loved and also believed that she loved him back. He bought a beautiful gift for her and a red rose because he was told that red rose is the best way to express love for someone. He also played back the lines he would say in his mind multiple times. He was very nervous. He had no way of knowing how it would go. Despite all the preparations he was not confident. Finally gathering the courage he called the girl and asked her for a meeting. The girl was busy and did not have time to meet. The guy insisted. Finally the girl agreed to meet the guy for few minutes. After long wait he finally saw the girl. All the practice seemed of no use now because he did not know how to proceed now.

He complimented the girl on how she looked and presented her the gift he got for her. All the girl said I have so many of these, what was the need. The boy was disappointed at this reaction from the girl. The practice clearly was not working here so he decided to rely on his presence of mind. All he could say to the girl was everything is not done for a need, some things you do because you want. The girls response to this was bullshit. This disappointed the boy further. He was not even sure if he should go ahead with his confession or not. He was not going to back away so soon so he decided to rely on the sure way to express love; the red rose. He presented to red rose to the girl and the girl sighed with 'huh' sound, which clearly was a mood killer. The boy so disappointed now decided to not say anything then.

Later he decided to somehow confess his feeling because he was now convinced that it was important. The only problem was everytime he tried to communicate his feelings, the girl thought it was a joke. Her responses to all his attempts were like, 'you are crazy', 'you are funny', 'bakwaas', 'shut up' etc.

He did not know what to do. He could not figure out a way to convince the girl that he was serious and was not being funny. Although he yet kept on being funny in public and with the girl but now he was not happy. He could not see the usual smile in the mirror he was used to seeing. He was always thinking about things which he himself used to believe were funny and useless. But he could not find them funny anymore. He could not sleep at night and was not himself at work. He was absent minded now and did not pay attention to things which used to be important to him till some time back. He was getting irritated at things more often than usual and started having frequent arguments on trivial issues with people around him. The worst part of all this was that he was still laughing in front of the girl.

Meri hansi ko mere dil ka aaina mat samjho. Hanste hue chehre se khushi ka gumaan hota hai.

Watchman

I noticed him for the first time when on one morning I was pulling my car out of the parking. He looked towards me and nodded. He assisted me in getting my car out of the parking and saluted me. He was old may be in his 60s and fragile but he was alert. In short, he had the alertness of a watchman but was not physically fit to protect against any kind of attack.



Since that day I started noticing him and followed his actions whenever he was in front of me. I noticed that he would go in front of every car entering the parking and nod or salute. He would at times help people in parking their car even if they did not need any help. He was sort of over enthusiastic and I thought it was an effort to be noticed. Somehow I felt that he wanted people to notice his presence and acknowledge his efforts.



I sometimes saw people tip him. May be that was the reason behind his efforts to get noticed so as to get rewarded by people for his alertness and unwanted help. He used to be there in the morning when I pulled my car to go for work. He was present even in the evening when I parked my car after coming back from work. I even saw him at few occasions when I was out partying and came back late. It was difficult to ignore him.



Yesterday when I left for work in the morning, he was not there. I did not pay much attention to it. He was not there in the evening also when I came back from work. I missed his presence this time, but I ignored. He was not there today morning also. Finally today evening when I did not find him there, I decided to inquire about him. I checked with one of the shopkeepers.



I was told that he was not a watchman. He used to be one. He did not have anyone to support him so when he lost his job due to old age he did not have any means to earn his livelihood. So he decided to use his old uniform . He used to hang around in his watchman uniform and used to help people in parking their cars in order to get some tip from them. He was surviving on that tip. He fell sick two days back and some people got him admitted to the nearby government hospital. Doctors think he would not survive.

Eyes

He knew whatever was happening was inevitable and he could not stop it no matter how much he tried. In fact he did not want to stop it in the first place no matter how painful it was for everyone. He was there all the time not looking into her eyes. He was deliberately avoiding eye contact because he knew whatever he will witness in those eyes will make him weak. He did not like this feeling of weakness and that is why all his life he tried to be away from things which made him feel that way. It was this fear of becoming weak, which made him avoid falling in love with anything or anyone and whomsoever made him feel that way he tried to stay away from them. No matter how much he tried to control his life, there were always things he could not control. This was one such situation and the only thing he could do to avoid this sense of weakness was by avoiding looking into those eyes and deny the feelings he so much knew those eyes would have wanted to say. In order to do so he was keeping himself busy with other stuff. Shifting things from one place to another even when it was not required. Catering to other people even when he knew they could take care of themselves. Even going to other room where he could not see her. All that just to avoid looking into those eyes.



Finally she was to leave. He knew she would have wanted to see him one last time. In between all that denial, he also wanted to see her before she left. Finally he came in front of her. He tried to talk without making an eye contact. Finally when she was inside her car he was standing outside talking to her through the window. He suddenly felt like touching her one last time, just to make himself believe that she was real. He peeped inside through the open window, touched her hand and told her to take care of herself. The moment he was getting his head out of the car he for a moment looked into those eyes. Those eyes were saying, "Don't! don't let me go." That is when the car started moving and he was standing still staring at the car going away. That is when he felt the weakest in his life. That is when tears dropped from his eyes.

SmokerJoe Doesn't Smoke

Part 1: The Tipping Point
"The Tipping Point: The critical point in an evolving situation that leads to a new and irreversible development."


So many people in last six months have asked me, "what made me quit smoking and how I did it?" Here it is for the benefit of others.


26/09/2010 at around 1:40 AM, I was chatting with someone and the following conversation followed:

me: you hate cigarette or smokers?

her: both

me: hmmm.. ok

her: :)

me: :)

good

any reason you hate them?

her: bas i dont

u knw dere are smthngs dat u jst feel from within

its one of dose things

me: ok..


Under normal circumstances I would have said, "Gandhiji ne kaha hai paap se ghrina karo paapi se nahi" but I could not in this case. It was then, I decided to quit smoking. I did not want her to hate me. :D

This was the tipping point in this case. This event which triggered a new and irreversible development in an already evolving situation .


Part 2: The Mind Games
"Mind Game: An act or series of acts of calculated psychological manipulation, especially in order to confuse or intimidate."


Once the decision was made the biggest task at hand was to convince my mind that I do not need cigarette. This was a tough task considering the number of smokers around me, who have been my partners in crime for past more than 8 years. There is this thing about partners in crime. It is not easy to let go of your partner. I could think of two reasons; one, aadat and two, it is difficult to find a new partner. Another problem with being surrounded by smokers is, you see cigarettes around you all the time and it becomes even more difficult to resist. It is too tempting. Like they say in movies, "is duniya me kadam rakhna jitna aasan hai, isse bahar nikalna utna hi mushkil."


Well; I was determined to do the mushkil part. Aasan kaam kiya to kya kiya. Besides, ek baar commitment kar di to fir main apne aap ki bhi nahi sunta, specially when the commitment is to self.


I had to play mind games with my own mind. Sounds weird? Weird it is. May be this weirdness made me succeed where many failed.


Part 3: The Flexibility
"Flexibility: the capability to adapt to new, different and changing environment."


Just to paint a picture in front of you. At home I have Piyush smoking in front of me with cigarette, lighter and ash tray at arm's length where I spend most of my time at home i.e. in front of my TV. If I go to the other room I enter in a cloud of smoke created by Ajay's non-stop smoking. At work I have my boss asking at least thrice a day, "coming for a smoke?" Then there are so many at work and friends circle offering me a cigarette or wanting to borrow one. To top it all my grocery shop owner adding to whatever I order, "aur ek packet Classic Milds." Whoever has ever had the habit of smoking would understand what a task quitting it would be with everything around you prompting for it.


To begin with, I decide to carry a pack of cigarette with me even though I had no intentions of smoking from it. The idea of carrying the pack was, to not look at Piyush when he is lighting a cigarette from his pack, to be able to offer it to the friends and colleagues whenever they asked for, to tell my grocery guy that I already have a pack with me so I don't need and to top it all to convince myself that I can always light one whenever I feel like smoking but I am just delaying it. The longer the delay the urge to smoke will die down. That's what I thought. The most interesting part is, whenever anyone asked me, "have you quit smoking?" I answered, "I haven't quit. I just don't smoke anymore."


We humans are sucker for flexibility. This is how I fooled myself, the flexibility to fall back to the packet I was carrying in case I didn't like the idea of being a non-smoker.


Part 4: The Struggle
"Struggle: A forceful effort to get free of restraint."


First day after the decision. I woke up looked at the packet, for a moment held it, then realized that I don't smoke. Waking up in the morning and not lighting the cigarette was very strange. So I decided to use the flexibility I had factored. "I will for some days smoke only one cigarette in a day" I told myself. This decision helped me not light the cigarette then. The two options I gave myself were, light it now and don't smoke all day or delay it for later. I chose the second. Since I am the first one to wake up in the house, I was not subjected to the torture of watching Piyush and Ajay smoke.


Fortunately my boss was not in office that day. That meant one less temptation. I kept the packet I was carrying in my drawer and got to work. At 11 a colleague called me for tea. I went out for tea with him, did not light the cigarette. At least five people asked me why I was not smoking. "sala koi accha kaam karna bhi chahe to ye jamana nahi karne deta with all their questions." I told them that I am trying to cut down on smoking, since I had been smoking a lot lately. One irritant was not satisfied with this answer. "Why? Kisne bola?" he asked. "accha kaam karne ke liye bhi reason chahiye hota hai kya?" I answered.


After lunch, which supposedly is the most tempting part of the day for a smoker, I decided not to accompany my regular gang down and I directly headed back to my desk. I realized one good thing about smoking, if you delay the urge for couple of minutes, it doesn't kick in for few hours. I was planning to use this to my advantage. :)


I kept on delaying the urge and did manage to delay it till dinner. After dinner, I desperately needed a cigarette. I decided to compensate that urge by having some tea. What I did not factor was the fact that Piyush will also have tea with me and he will light his cigarette then. So as promised to myself in the morning, I did light and smoke one and only cigarette of the day.


Then I made another promise to myself. To put a deadline to this one cigarette a day arrangement. The deadline I decided was one week.

Part 5: The Testing
"Testing: Take measures to check the quality, performance, or reliability."


Once I successfully managed to spend few days without smoke, it was time to test myself. Test whether I can resist it in most tempting situations. That very day I said no to my boss when he asked me to accompany him for smoke . Coincidently that evening Ajay was drinking. I don't know what he was celebrating; but he offered me a drink. I poured some whiskey for myself and started drinking. My target was to last that drinking session without smoking. It was made even more tempting and hence more difficult by Ajay's constant smoking right in front of me. No matter how much I was expecting it; to my surprise I passed the test. I did not smoke.

Next day was Saturday and I decided to test myself further. I don't know about others, but in my case cigarettes used to be a must while drinking beer. So Sat night, I was treating myself with beer and giving me company was my good old tv with some South Indian Super Star, who I am not able to recollect right now. I was determined to not smoke but somewhere down the line my mind tricked me. My mind decided that I needed a cigarette. I used the option I had kept for myself; the packet of classic milds. I lit one cigarette from it and was really surprised to notice that I did not like the taste of it. It was then I realised that I have quit smoking.

Part6: Relapse
"Relapse: To fall or slide back into a former state."



Remember what triggered my decision to quit smoking? Well let me save the effort of going back and reading the part 1, it was because I did not want someone to hate me. Almost 5 months as a non-smoker, I realized that whatever I did could not prevent that person from hating me. Suddenly the reason for quitting smoking was no more. I was wandering alone in the streets of a town unknown to me, thinking about everything. Playing back every concerned event in my head. Every shop selling cigarettes again started to tempt me. Every time I passed a tea shop, I wanted to have tea and smoke as I used to do.



After struggling for few hours after the revelation, I gave up. I stopped at the next shop and bought two Classic Milds. I did not like the taste of it when I smoked the first one. It felt like I was smoking wood. It did not stop me from lighting the second one. I smoked the next one with much more ease and did not dislike the taste of it.



Next day morning I woke up and smoked my first cigarette of the day with morning tea and then every tea I had that day was accompanied by a cigarette, like it used to be. I was returning back to my old smoking ways.


Part 7: Recovery
"Recovery: the regaining of something lost or taken away."



I was smoking again. I was buying cigarette and smoking every time I went out for tea. I was no longer thinking or feeling guilty before lighting a cigarette. I in fact bought a packet again. When I took the first cigarette of the first packet I bought in months, it got me thinking again.



I thought, who was I fooling. Was it wise to let go of something, that I have achieved with so much effort. Something which is so difficult to achieve that I have seen many attempting but only few succeeding. I could not deprive myself of this achievement because of someone else. I respected myself a lot, a lot more than I cared for anybody else, for that to happen.



It was my respect for myself, which did not allow me to insult the effort put in by me in achieving the non-smoker status. How can I expect someone else to respect me when don't respect myself. Lakh take ki baat hai, gaanth baandh lo.



After the above thought I did not light anymore cigarettes from that packet I bought and so far that is the last packet of cigarette I have bought.